Growing Up in the Lord

A Video I Made for Class

2011-05-16T10:10:00.000-05:00

Misguided

2009-09-23T12:55:00.003-05:00

"I have little doubt that the single greatest obstacle to the impact of the gospel has not been ints inability to provide answers, but the failure on our part to live it out." - Ravi Zacharias from the book "Beyond Opinion"

This is the very issue I have been wrestling with. It's not so much that we don't really look like the First Century church, but that they looked more like the gospel lived out than we do. I attended the Park Plaza college class last Wednesday and we just so happened to discuss the Acts 2 passage which began my journey through this grand issue. In our talk I recognized a few things I'd like to share here as well as sharing something that my parents brought to my attention. I will begin there.

It should be recognized that even the first century church didn't go very long with doing it perfect. Let's take a look at Acts 4 & 6.

"All the believers wer one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possesions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God's grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, broght the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need." Acts 4:32-37 (TNIV)

Let me first note that here is another witness to the amazing attitudes of those first believers. The shared heart and mind which led to shared possesions and well being. It is to this ideal which I want to strive. However, it is made clear that it was the powerful work of God which allowed for no needy persons to be among them. In other words if we are to ever see this happen we've gotta turn to God! So, when was the last time you sold something as significant as your house or a piece of land and used that money to provide for someone else? I want it to be clear we aren't talking about tithing or giving out of our excess to a benevolent fund. This is SACRIFICIAL giving. But the pretty picture goes bad quick. In fact it is the ver next chapter where we see an example of those who lied about the sale of their property and were destroyed because of it. Thank God that we don't suffer the same fate. And then let's look at chapter 6.

"In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food." Acts 6:1 (TNIV)

Wow, already someone is not getting taken care of. How quickly we fall! But I have us look at this in order to see that even the First Century church wasn't a continuous example of perfectly living out the gospel. But I don't want this to really be a look at the macroview of the church. Really I want us to look at the microview. Specifically at our own selves. The question is: who are you? Are you Barnabas who at the very end of chapter 4 is mentioned to having sold his field and laid the money at the Apostles feet? Or are you Ananias, who also sold a piece of property, but "with his wife's full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles' feet." (5:2)

Do I trust that if I will use what the Lord has already given me to take care of the needs of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ that I too will be taken care of? Do I want an excess of comfort and luxury, of pleasure and excitement so that I give only what's left after I've enjoyed myself? When was the last time I let someone else use that prized possesion, or what's more, sold a prized possesion in order for someone else to meet a need? These are the questions I ask myself.

A Miscommittment or Misunderstanding? Part Two

2009-09-02T10:43:00.002-05:00

A whole summer’s gone by. I’ve talked with lots of people. I’ve had plenty of time to continue to think about this and here’s the result. Our church is broken but not failing. Our focus seems a bit off but the message is still being spread. It seems as though we’ve completely missed the point but with further searching and a deeper look the love, service, and essence of Christ and what He called His body (the church) to be is being fulfilled all around us. The only real problem I see is that it’s the mentality of individuals and not the church as a whole. Within each body of believers can be found those who share their blessings as though they never owned them in the first place. With each congregation you find those who have everything in common with their fellow man and give of their physical things and their time to ensure that there is no one in want. But still I see a church as a whole that is projecting a damaging persona of selfish living and vain achievement.
Let me begin with what I see as bad news. If you’ve read the book “UnChrisitan” then you may have an even better idea about this than I do. It seems to me that the general view of the Christian church today is a group of people who think they are right and everyone else is wrong and this makes them better than you. It seems to me that when an outsider considers the church he doesn’t see a group of people filled with hope and joy. He doesn’t observe the loving one another as Christ has loved us nor does he feel like it’s a place where people’s physical needs are met. But he sees a group of people who play the political game of policies before people when it comes to their views of government or even within their own walls. This was the surface view I saw and felt when I wrote my previous post. I could see each person’s own personal comforts coming in the way of their serving others and the Lord. I could see a shunning and division between the haves and have-nots. There was a reliance on the physical world and it’s trappings for happiness and success rather than a hope in the Lord’s providence and a joy in the gift of salvation that he’s already given.
So why am I no longer so worried about the future of our churches? Because I was wrong. The Body of Christ as it is described to appear and behave in the scriptures is alive and well. But you won’t find it on TV or the web. You can’t see it in a bulletin or a casual church visit. The true church and Christ’s true disciples are hidden amongst and within the broken “churches” we have all around us. The congregations of hypocrites and liars, vain and self-serving people are also the congregations of struggling sinners, humble and self-giving people. Many times in fact these very individuals are one in the same. Other times your find these true disciples hiding among the fence riders. But whatever the case they are there, giving, serving, living as one with their fellow man and having everything in common. The meet together and give to each one as he or she has need. The disparity is this. I wanted to boast and bring to the forefront what God’s Word says to keep quiet. I wanted every person who walked through the doors and ever claimed the name of Jesus to instantly become his perfect follower.
Within the Sermon on the Mount Jesus addresses the sharing of our things and giving to the needy by instructing us to not announce our giving with trumpets and not to do our good deeds in front of men as if to win their approval. But rather we should do them in secret so that our Father will reward us (6:1-4). As I looked for the fulfillment of Acts 2, I found men and women following Matthew 6.
I still have a problem though. My problem is that earlier in the Sermon on the Mount, while comparing us to a light on a stand, Jesus says this, “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven (5:6).” So how can we find a balance? I think we must for two reasons. The first is that those who come into our churches and begin their journeys with Christ are immature in their walks and need to have the example of those living our Acts 2 to follow. Second, it seems obvious that unless the churches image among the unchurched changes we will remain a weak witness bringing little praise to our Father in Heaven.
I hope to next time discuss some ways that we might go about finding that balance. For now look at your own life and let’s see how we can change as individuals to better represent our Lord, doing good deeds in secret and yet being a lamp on a stand.

A Missed Commitment? Or My Misunderstanding?

2009-04-14T16:15:00.003-05:00

"I'm growin up! In the Lord. Oh I'm gettin stronger, turning back no longer. I'm growin up! In the Lord! I'm growing up in the LORD!"

"And with many other words he testified and exhorted them, saying, "Be saved from this perverse generation." Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. And the continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need.
So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved." -Acts 2:40-47 (NKJV)

"All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." -Acts 2:44-47 (TNIV)

"All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved." -Acts 2:44-47 (NRSV)

And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved. -Acts 2:44-47 (The Message)

No matter how it's said, I can't seem to match this description of the early church up with what it looks like today. I grew up in, attend, and work in the churches of Christ. We claim a model of following the New Testament church. So, why is it difficult for me to find how we are living out the very verses that describe what the church looked like at it's very beginning. I'm not saying we are necessarily doing it wrong. I'm not trying to criticize or attack. I simply seek to understand. I already have found some answers to the question, "Why doesn't today's church look like this?" I'm going to share those with you in my next post. But I want to hear from you. Where do you see the church today (any denomination will do) succeeding in it's quest to fullfill these verses? Where do you see the church today failing in it's quest to fullfill these verses? Or perhaps you'd like to share why it shouldn't be our quest to fullfill these verses? I'm listening, not loading my gun. I'm seeking, not judging. I'm want to understand, not oppose. Teach me.

Nothin' Special

2009-04-02T12:34:00.004-05:00

So, I know it's been a while since I've put anything on here. Some of that is because life has been full and kept me with lots to do. However, I must admit I haven't updated here in a while because I set for myself a precident and a perceived expectation that each of these posts must in some way be artistic or thought provoking. I felt as though a simple sharing of what's happening in my walk with the Lord wasn't good enough. But as has been the case most often in my life there comes a time when I need written expression even when the creative juices are lacking. So if you care to know what's been happening and is currently going on with me on a spiritual note please feel free to read on.

Let me begin with Anna. Anna is my girlfriend and has been for some time now. She has shown me beauty, talent, love, expression, joy, comfort and strength. As many of you know I function best when I have people in my life that I can show love to. That doesn't necessitate a romantic relationship but I've been blessed to currently have that in my life. Promising to be there for someone in a close relationship and walking through a relationship with someone like Anna allows for a unique practice of Christ's love that I otherwise would be without.

Now what about me. Well, I'm still working as the Youth Minister for the Central church of Christ in Topeka, KS. I've loved my time here and the church family continues to become MY church family. As with anything there are ups and downs. With every victory comes an attack from Satan. One of the things I'm struggling with in my ministry is communicating that the Lord desires us wholistically. Not just all of us some of the time or some of us all of the time, but all of us all of the time and the way that plays out in our daily even momentary decisions and lives. In this battle I fight against the whole of culture, school, family patterns, twitter, facebook, etc! It can often be overwhelming and yet I press on because I know the importance.

So this has become a focus in my own ministry but really stems from my own life and walk with the Lord. If I am to communicate to the kids how they can fully live for the Lord and give Him all they have I must first be able to answer the question. So how do I, Twig, a child of God, a minister, a boyfriend, a mentor, a guy who lives by himself give my all and live wholistically for the Lord? Got any answers? Cause I'm struggling. I'm searching. I'm seeking the heart and will of God. One thing I know is that what I've been doing isn't good enough. There's the surface stuff like not enough prayer and bible reading. But what really concerns me is the deeper, greater stuff. Let me just say this. I DON'T KNOW ANY POOR PEOPLE. Well, that's not entirely true depending on what your definition of poor is. One thing I love about my church is that because of our location we do have several families who are not middle class. Nor are they upper class. They live in places most of us have never stayed and don't have the stuff most of us are so accustom to. But I don't visit them. I help them get food from the pantry when they need it and I arrange for those with teens to get rides and scholarships to activities. But that's not what Christ called me to. Or at least as I'm reading both the Bible and books recommended to me by those who know me well I'm seeing a greater expectation that I have not really reached.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy."

I've been teaching are High School on the Beatitudes and my study on this particular one has been a huge log in the fire that rages inside my soul. The following is some of what I found.

The Greek word used in Matthew 5:7, eleemon, means essentially the same as its English counterpart, "merciful." However, in all likelihood Jesus spoke in Aramaic, and the idea behind His statement about mercy comes from Old Testament—that is, Hebrew—usage and teaching. The word He would have used is the Hebrew and Aramaic chesed.

William Barclay's Daily Study Bible commentary on Matthew states regarding this word:
"It does not mean only to sympathize with a person in the popular sense of the term; it does not mean simply to feel sorry for some in trouble. Chesedh [sic], mercy, means the ability to get right inside the other person's skin until we can see things with his eyes, think things with his mind, and feel things with his feelings.Clearly this is much more than an emotional wave of pity; clearly this demands a quite deliberate effort of the mind and of the will. It denotes a sympathy, which is not given, as it were, from outside, but which comes from a deliberate identification with the other person, until we see things as he sees them, and feels things as he feels them. This is sympathy in the literal sense of the word. Sympathy is derived from two Greek words, syn which means together with, and paschein which means to experience or to suffer. Sympathy means experiencing things together with the other person, literally going through what he is going through." (p. 103)

And that leaves me here. Not knowing where to start, what to even do, or if there is something more I should be doing. I hope to update this again sooner than later and I have more to share with you. If you want some prep on the discussion read Acts 2 taking special note of verses 42-47.

Grey Skies Steal Lives

2008-11-11T09:55:00.001-06:00

Today is gross and rainy and not fun at all. At least it's not fun because I'm out of bed. I mean could I be laying there between the sheets and wrapped in the warmth of my own body heat then yeah, today would be great. But I'm not there. I'm sitting at a desk in front of a computer which forces me to remove my gloves so that I can type and thus leaves my fingers, those poor little extremeties that are so far from the source of warm blood, exposed to the cold. The house which hosts the church office was poorly designed in that the vents for the central heat and air are all on the floor. Not in the ceiling, not on the top of the wall, but down at the base of the wall next to the floor where they become covered by various pieces of furniture and rendered useless as their air flow is blocked by wood and plastic. So my office is left uncirculated when I close the door at the end of the day, which results in it being cold in the morning when I return.

And the rain isn't good rain. It's drizzly, tiny drops which lightly sprinkle you with bits of chill to add to the cold. It's not accompanied by great thunder and lightning and it doesn't awe you at the sheer amounts of water coming down from the sky. Instead it nags at you and forces you inside to be cooped up wishing you could enjoy the brisk breezes also going on outside. The source of the rain is a blanket of grey that hides away the beauty of the sun and the sky. It makes you feel drowsy and lathargic.

It makes me understand through a metaphor how my life can be a gross and rainy day if I begin to allow even small things to cloud the source of light which gives me life and energy and purpose. The storms of life with come and with them brutal thunder and lightning. Quick and swift damage can occur but what always happens is that the storm dissipates or moves on through and the Son is once again revealed. In contrast to the storms these hazes which cover the sky seem to be even more draining. They take away our sight to see "Christ who strengthens me" for so long that we become used to the dreary view and begin to accept it as normal. We forget the joy of a sunny day, with clear blue skies and life giving warmth. I don't want to forget about the Son. I don't want to get used to grey skies and rainy days.

I'll endure the storms because I know that "a bright sunny day comes after the rain. You going through thunder, get ready for change. The mountains you're climbing will go away, cause it's all gonna clear up after the rain" (After the Rain by K2S). However, I refuse to let my life get slowly filled by drizzles and a blanket of grey which may steal my vision of God. This I think is the real reason so many people live luke-warm lives not truly filled with the fruit of the Spirit. Satan has acheived a slow and gradual fade of the vision which we all saw when we first encountered the power of God in our lives.

Inside Out

2008-10-29T13:28:00.002-05:00

Your name on my lips
Three words on my mind
My heart all a flutter
The reason I cannot find
What is it about you
That turns me all about?
What is the reason
I seem so inside out?
The words and expressions
They all escape me
There is not explanation
For what you do to me
I cannot put into words
The way that I feel
A dream, a fantasy
Can this be real?

Our Daydream Beneath A Tree

2008-10-15T14:32:00.002-05:00

The grass was soft and my body felt it
The sky was blue and my eyes beheld it
The breeze was cool and my arms sensed it
The tree was shady and my skin thanked it

Your touch was warm and my body liked it
Your kiss was light and my lips loved it
Your voice was tender and my ears embraced it
Your love was tangible and my heart drank it

Like a daydream it came
Like a dream come true it went
A moment to last forever
Eternity found in a moment
My heart races with the memory
My breath is stolen by the thought

My hands miss your hands
My lips, your lips
My eyes miss your face
My ears, the sound of your sweet voice
My mind daydreams of you as
My heart longs for your embrace

Be not far from me
You are but a thought away
Remember the daydream
And I will not be far from you
Connected in those moments
Forever bonded by those memories

2008-09-17T13:12:00.004-05:00

Fireside chats and morning naps
These are the things that help me relax
These are the things to bring up the slack
Don't look back
Old friends left alone on the road behind
New friends stand in the distance you find
It's not something to blow your mind
Don't press rewind
Fog blurred vision in an unknown mission
It's not logic nor emotion, it's a decision
And you made it because of his Son
Don't stop wishin'
I'll keep the pace as long as I see your face
There is no first and there is no last place
There is just those who have and haven't accepted grace
Don't lose faith
There was evening and there was morning, the sixth day
Then came a new friend with which to play
Then the deception that caused us to fall away
Don't go, stay
He placed in you a need, but not something to feed
Seek first His kingdom and then you will succeed
He will satisfy you inside and you will be freed
Don't you leave
Have patience my friend, you will find in the end
A purpose, an indentity, a hand to help mend
The wounds, the tears created everytime you sinned

2008-09-08T11:46:00.004-05:00

I know a lot of rainday survivors
I have met a lot of sunday drivers
I get destracted by the body dividers
Let's unite all the dead church revivers
Don't forget the spiritual reminders
And don't follow the traditional rewinders
Look for the Yahweh insiders
And forget all that man's religion requires
Let's be whatever He desires
Let's be the cleansing, fueling fires
No more back stabbing biters
No more first impression hires
I want stories of the martyrs
I need love that knows no borders
Where is God?! Give Him back you horders!
I need help with the weight on my shoulders
Is there hope as we get older?
Where is relief in todays stuffed folders?
I need peace like when Jesus told her
"Where are all of your condemners?"
For I know that we are all sinners
So why can't we just be winners?
Instead I see quiters
And hatred shared over dinners
We get hurt by the constant dividers
But we need to be dead church revivers
Then we can all be rainday survivors.

The Beauty In Me

2008-08-25T12:30:00.002-05:00

I just want you to know
I don’t really like snow
But it’s pure white beauty
Helps me to see
All the beauty
That you see in me

So I will endure winter
Until I reach summer
Looking for the wonder
So I can see
All the beauty
That you see in me

With grace and mercy
You cover the cursing
That so often hurts me
And won’t let me see
All the beauty
That you see in me

And it is with thanks
That I stand on the banks
Of Jordan’s river
Where I rediscover
All the beauty
That you see in me

The Treasure Inside

2008-06-30T11:59:00.003-05:00

If I were an apple, would you eat me so you could be fed? Would you cut me open to find the seeds inside that, if planted, will produce a tree with unknown quantities of reproduction?

If you were an apple, would you let me eat you so I could be fed? Would you allow me to cut you open so I may plant the seeds found inside?

If you knew you had exactly what someone else needed to survive could you let someone open you up to get it?

Inside me and inside you is found a treasure placed their by our Creator meant to bless someone else. Are you willing to be vulnerable so you can also be useful?

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.'" (Matthew 16:24-25)

Broken Twigs and Fallen Limbs

2008-05-08T09:53:00.004-05:00

There is a place I do not know
A place I know I cannot go
There is a place I want to be
A place with peace and tall green trees
There is a life I do not live
A life I know I cannot give
There is a life outside of me
A life with joy, not misery
There is a will but not a way
A will to do what I cannot say
There is a will inside of me
A will to share, to heal, to be

Where are You Spring?

2008-04-16T09:50:00.003-05:00

Okay, sorry, I know I promised a blog in the few days following my last post and now here it is a week later. "Better late than never"

The fall here was beautiful, the winter was snowy and cold, and the spring... well I don't know yet. I grew up in San Antonio, TX. I'm used to maybe a month or two or semi-cold weather then back to milder temperatures. The summers there are long and the kids can't concentrate in school past spring break because you just want to go outside and play. But that isn't what I'm getting here. Winter has been cold and long. I loved the snow and was thankful it wasn't the ice storms of Oklahoma, but when does this end? Today the high is 79! But I've seen this before. We even had a whole weekend of mid 60s only to drop back below freezing and get a light flurry. They're predicting we may even see snow in May. May!? Oh please Lord, save me from this misery!

When will the trees bloom? Will the leaves be gone forever? I wanted to write a spring follow up to my fall and winter blogs talking of the renewal we find in the Lord. But God isn't letting me do that. Instead he's teaching me something else. It's a lesson I've had to endure before. But never has it been so poignant.

As I drive through Topeka, I see the barren trees and gaze into the gray sky, wondering where all the beauty of life is. When will I feel the warmth of the sun? When will I see the signs of new life. And then the other day I noticed something. The grass is green. No, not just the overly fertilized grass of businesses and the professionally manicured ones in the nicer neighborhoods. All the grass is green. All over Topeka I see green grass. Oh and beautiful yellow bushes with a sprinkle of a few red buds on smaller trees. Once again my focus was only on the bad, the dreary, what God wasn't making beautiful in my life. I failed to see that the Lord was blessing the very ground I walk upon. Though the sky gray and many trees still barren, the path the Lord has laid before me is blessed. There is life. I just have to be willing to see it.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)

When all that is around you seems dead; when the world's not all as it should be, know that the very path you tread is laid out by the Hand of God.

2008-04-09T15:31:00.002-05:00

Okay so before starting this blog I wrote on xanga. I've got a blog to share with you guys, but in order to fully understand and appreciate it I have to make sure you've all read some previous blogs of my from xanga. So below are two thoughts that originally were posted on xanga and I'll post the new blog in the next day or two.

PREPARING FOR WINTER

I love living in the part of Kansas that has trees. Topeka is full of trees. As one resident said the other day, "the trees in town are more beautiful than the trees out of town." I had come back to the church today from lunch before realizing that I didn't have the van keys which I needed to return to their place before assembly tonight. So I drove back across town to my apartment. While on my way through the neighborhood around the church building I saw this tree with pure red-orange leaves all the same shade. The majority of the leaves had already fallen to the ground creating a blanket surrounding the base of the tree. There were only a few leaves left on the branches near the bottom of the tree. What a beautiful site it was. It got me thinking, why is it that trees shed all of their "protection" when preparing for the winter cold? So often when we go through winters in our lives we quickly gather in all our "protection" to try and hide from the deathly chill that surrounds us. And then I pictured myself before God. I'm standing there trying to grasp at each leaf as it falls from around me. Obviously I can't keep up. God just shakes his head. In the end I've got a handful of dead leaves that are no longer doing me any good. Then I pictured myself standing before God much like the tree I had seen. I'm before him, almost completely bare as he gently removes one by one the things I before was so desperately grasping for. Spilled all around my feet are those things that I thought would protect me from the trouble ahead. My hands are empty so that I can grasp the hand God is reaching out to me. Come next spring I suspect, just as it has happened year after year, that tree will be growing a fresh set of green leaves, blooming anew. I too can look forward to a fresh beginning, a season of sunnier days. But in order for me to make it through the winter, I need to be willing to strip myself bare before my God so that He can breathe that new life into me.

THE WEIGHT OF WINTER

This past week Topeka and the surrounding areas suffered a pretty bad ice storm (not quite the devastation in Oklahoma). As I drove around town I noticed how cool the trees looked as that were incased in ice, making them look like crystal sculptures. But what really took my attention was that those trees which had failed to drop all of their leaves before the ice storm weren't beautiful sculptures, but rather they looked overburdened and wilted; many of them with fallen branches and others that bend so low they were laying on the ground. The trees lacked the strength to hold them selves up and it was not because of the ice. For as you looked around the other trees seemed fine holding the weight of the ice that was frozen to their bare branches. Rather it was the presence of leaves and the added weight of ice that they collected which cause these trees to be unable to bare the load. So often we resist the times when God seems to be taking away from us the things we love the most, stripping us of those things that we think are so important. Jesus says, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." (John 15:1 & 2) If we resist the pruning of the Lord, we too may end up caring a greater load than we can bear. For only the Lord knows what lies ahead and we may be headed for an ice storm for which we need to prepare by lightening the load in our lives.

Nearer, Draw Me Nearer

2008-04-03T13:17:00.003-05:00

I read a blog by Carl a couple of days ago and something struck me that I never fully realized. Carl quoted the hymn "Nearer, Still Nearer" as I will do now

"Nearer, still nearer, close to Thy heart
Draw me, my Savior, so precious Thou art
Fold me, O fold me close to Thy breast
Shelter me safe in that haven of rest
Shelter me safe in that haven of rest"

What struck me was that the language used here is so backwards from what I hear both in my prayers and the prayers of those around me. So often I'm praying "Lord, come into my life. Draw close to me so that I may feel your presence." But it's the other way around in this song. So I looked through our church's songbook to discover that the same language used in "Nearer, Still Nearer" is found in many other songs as well.

"Nearer my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
E'en tho it be a cross that raiseth me;
Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee!"
- "Nearer, My God, to Thee"

"Nearer the cross, my heart can say, I am coming nearer
Nearer the cross from day to day, I am coming nearer
Nearer the cross where Jesus died,
Nearer the fountain's crimson tide,
Nearer my Savior's wounded side,
I am coming nearer, I am coming nearer"
-"Nearer the Cross"

I've heard this lesson before, but never did I realize how backwards I was thinking about my nearness to the Lord and how that manifested it self in my prayers. I suspect my actions were affected too. I have heard a million times that when we feel abandoned that it was not the Lord who moved away but rather us who retreated from Him. But it's so much more than that! God already tore the down the curtain that separated me from Him (Matthew 27:50-51). He sent His Son not just as the ultimate sacrifice but to be the bridge that still creates a pathway between my Lord and I today! Even when we are feeling good about life and are walking along the narrow path it is never God who should draw near to us (He's already done that!), but rather us who are continually drawing near to Him. Even in the good times it is not Him who has moved or needs to move. The Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8), and it is I who must change.

When I pray, "God come close to me" it is like me saying to a water fountain, "Hey I'm thirsty why don't you break off the wall and come over to me." Obviously if it did that it would be severing itself from the supply of water. But rather then only way to stay where I am and yet receive water is to have someone bring it to me. And Jesus did! He is the living water! (John 4:10) But he doesn't just bring me a cup, but invites me to get off my lazy bum and follow him back to the source (Revelation 7:17).

"Jesus, keep me near the cross: there a precious fountain,
Free to all, a healing stream, flows from Calv'ry's mountain!"

Paint Me a Picture with Images Blurred

2008-03-31T16:56:00.000-05:00

So I saw "Definately, Maybe" at the Dollar Theatre here in town. In case you haven't seen the film I'll give a brief summary. Essentially you follow the significant dating adventures of one man as he dictates the story to his daughter. He's currently a single dad (he's in the middle of divorcing his wife) and his daughter wants to know how he met her mom and seeks to gain a better understanding of how they could now be divorcing. He tells her "it's complicated" but she insists it can't be as bad as he asserts. You ride along with the highs and lows of the single dad who loves and is loved, but rarely do both occur together. Towards the end his daughter admits, "wow, it is complicated..." as she then rattles off the vines of love that had her father swinging like a monkey through the jungle of romance. Now I'm not trying to write a movie review but this film sparked my thoughts recently about life.
Today I was on facebook and read a message from an old friend who's struggling with her current job and the devastation it's having on herself and her marriage. My life hasn't been a piece of cake, but as I read her dilema I couldn't help but think of how even when we know what the problem is and what needs to be done to change things that doesn't mean the actual doing of those things is any easier nor are they clean-cut and without side effects. Each choice we make so often has much further reaching consequences than we can currently see or admit. What seems to a little child to be so black and white, so easily discernable appears less clear, more muddled, and so much more complicated the greater knowledge and experience we have.
And yet, there is hope. I am sure the Spirit of God spoke through me as I typed my reply. My friend had said that she was deep in the valley. I responded, "Stay strong and know that if there is a valley then their must be a mountain top and you just have to patiently climb to get there." Wow! What a thought! The good news here is that when what we see is a picture with blurred images, a valley with no end in sight, or a dilema without an easy way out we must remember, that God has a much clearer perspective. The Lord Himself is my guide and all my hope rests in Him.
The Lord promises, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you... For I am the Lord your God... you are precious in my sight... and I love you." (Isaiah 43:2-4)
So do not be afraid, because David says, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)
Our call to follow Yahweh has always been one of day by day, minute by minute steps. Faithfully and patiently walking, crawling, or even climbing we must continue to move forward in all situations. When in the valley don't lose heart. When on the mountain top don't lose sight of following the Lord as He guides us to ever increasing glory.

My Motivation

2008-03-27T13:06:00.000-05:00

It was during the summer after my freshman year at Oklahoma Christian University that I discovered a certain lack of motivation within myself. I was working that summer for Vector Marketing selling Cutco knives through appointments in people's homes. At first I was a hard worker, doing everything I could to perform well. (Okay maybe not EVERYthing). But for the most part I was striving to succeed. So much so that I was promoted to "assistant manager". Unfortunately it was about that same time that my motivation to do this job absolutely plummeted. I just didn't care anymore. It was hard to make phone calls, I didn't to drive to people's homes, and I let every little thing that wasn't perfect stack up as reasons to stop trying.
Let's step back now. Throughout middle school and high school I was addicted to Youth Group. I was the kid that would do anything and everything that the Youth Minister put on the calendar. Baseball game the same weekend as a retreat? Sorry team. Date the same night as a devo? Okay so I didn't really have any dates. I remember being so jealous of my sister when I was in middle school because she got to do all these "high-school only" events. "Why can't I go, Mom?" "Because, son, you're not old enough."
Jump back to Vector. I found myself that summer wish I could do all the youth group stuff again. There was a social side to my job. I received recognition for my accomplishments. Not to mention the money. I didn't care. There wasn't anything spiritual about it. No great worship. No deep conversations. No conviction of my heart. "Who cares if these people have good knives or not? Do they know Jesus?" I thought to myself. At this time I was already a Youth Ministry major. I had already felt a calling to make my living by serving the church, Christ's bride. But that summer the truth was revealed to me that it wasn't just a choice between several things I could do. It was the ONLY thing I could do! My heart wouldn't let me do anything else. Nothing else motivated me. So there you have it. That's why I do what I do. I can't do anything else.