My Motivation

It was during the summer after my freshman year at Oklahoma Christian University that I discovered a certain lack of motivation within myself. I was working that summer for Vector Marketing selling Cutco knives through appointments in people's homes. At first I was a hard worker, doing everything I could to perform well. (Okay maybe not EVERYthing). But for the most part I was striving to succeed. So much so that I was promoted to "assistant manager". Unfortunately it was about that same time that my motivation to do this job absolutely plummeted. I just didn't care anymore. It was hard to make phone calls, I didn't to drive to people's homes, and I let every little thing that wasn't perfect stack up as reasons to stop trying.
Let's step back now. Throughout middle school and high school I was addicted to Youth Group. I was the kid that would do anything and everything that the Youth Minister put on the calendar. Baseball game the same weekend as a retreat? Sorry team. Date the same night as a devo? Okay so I didn't really have any dates. I remember being so jealous of my sister when I was in middle school because she got to do all these "high-school only" events. "Why can't I go, Mom?" "Because, son, you're not old enough."
Jump back to Vector. I found myself that summer wish I could do all the youth group stuff again. There was a social side to my job. I received recognition for my accomplishments. Not to mention the money. I didn't care. There wasn't anything spiritual about it. No great worship. No deep conversations. No conviction of my heart. "Who cares if these people have good knives or not? Do they know Jesus?" I thought to myself. At this time I was already a Youth Ministry major. I had already felt a calling to make my living by serving the church, Christ's bride. But that summer the truth was revealed to me that it wasn't just a choice between several things I could do. It was the ONLY thing I could do! My heart wouldn't let me do anything else. Nothing else motivated me. So there you have it. That's why I do what I do. I can't do anything else.