Nothin' Special

So, I know it's been a while since I've put anything on here. Some of that is because life has been full and kept me with lots to do. However, I must admit I haven't updated here in a while because I set for myself a precident and a perceived expectation that each of these posts must in some way be artistic or thought provoking. I felt as though a simple sharing of what's happening in my walk with the Lord wasn't good enough. But as has been the case most often in my life there comes a time when I need written expression even when the creative juices are lacking. So if you care to know what's been happening and is currently going on with me on a spiritual note please feel free to read on.

Let me begin with Anna. Anna is my girlfriend and has been for some time now. She has shown me beauty, talent, love, expression, joy, comfort and strength. As many of you know I function best when I have people in my life that I can show love to. That doesn't necessitate a romantic relationship but I've been blessed to currently have that in my life. Promising to be there for someone in a close relationship and walking through a relationship with someone like Anna allows for a unique practice of Christ's love that I otherwise would be without.

Now what about me. Well, I'm still working as the Youth Minister for the Central church of Christ in Topeka, KS. I've loved my time here and the church family continues to become MY church family. As with anything there are ups and downs. With every victory comes an attack from Satan. One of the things I'm struggling with in my ministry is communicating that the Lord desires us wholistically. Not just all of us some of the time or some of us all of the time, but all of us all of the time and the way that plays out in our daily even momentary decisions and lives. In this battle I fight against the whole of culture, school, family patterns, twitter, facebook, etc! It can often be overwhelming and yet I press on because I know the importance.

So this has become a focus in my own ministry but really stems from my own life and walk with the Lord. If I am to communicate to the kids how they can fully live for the Lord and give Him all they have I must first be able to answer the question. So how do I, Twig, a child of God, a minister, a boyfriend, a mentor, a guy who lives by himself give my all and live wholistically for the Lord? Got any answers? Cause I'm struggling. I'm searching. I'm seeking the heart and will of God. One thing I know is that what I've been doing isn't good enough. There's the surface stuff like not enough prayer and bible reading. But what really concerns me is the deeper, greater stuff. Let me just say this. I DON'T KNOW ANY POOR PEOPLE. Well, that's not entirely true depending on what your definition of poor is. One thing I love about my church is that because of our location we do have several families who are not middle class. Nor are they upper class. They live in places most of us have never stayed and don't have the stuff most of us are so accustom to. But I don't visit them. I help them get food from the pantry when they need it and I arrange for those with teens to get rides and scholarships to activities. But that's not what Christ called me to. Or at least as I'm reading both the Bible and books recommended to me by those who know me well I'm seeing a greater expectation that I have not really reached.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy."

I've been teaching are High School on the Beatitudes and my study on this particular one has been a huge log in the fire that rages inside my soul. The following is some of what I found.

The Greek word used in Matthew 5:7, eleemon, means essentially the same as its English counterpart, "merciful." However, in all likelihood Jesus spoke in Aramaic, and the idea behind His statement about mercy comes from Old Testament—that is, Hebrew—usage and teaching. The word He would have used is the Hebrew and Aramaic chesed.

William Barclay's Daily Study Bible commentary on Matthew states regarding this word:
"It does not mean only to sympathize with a person in the popular sense of the term; it does not mean simply to feel sorry for some in trouble. Chesedh [sic], mercy, means the ability to get right inside the other person's skin until we can see things with his eyes, think things with his mind, and feel things with his feelings.Clearly this is much more than an emotional wave of pity; clearly this demands a quite deliberate effort of the mind and of the will. It denotes a sympathy, which is not given, as it were, from outside, but which comes from a deliberate identification with the other person, until we see things as he sees them, and feels things as he feels them. This is sympathy in the literal sense of the word. Sympathy is derived from two Greek words, syn which means together with, and paschein which means to experience or to suffer. Sympathy means experiencing things together with the other person, literally going through what he is going through." (p. 103)

And that leaves me here. Not knowing where to start, what to even do, or if there is something more I should be doing. I hope to update this again sooner than later and I have more to share with you. If you want some prep on the discussion read Acts 2 taking special note of verses 42-47.

Grey Skies Steal Lives

Today is gross and rainy and not fun at all. At least it's not fun because I'm out of bed. I mean could I be laying there between the sheets and wrapped in the warmth of my own body heat then yeah, today would be great. But I'm not there. I'm sitting at a desk in front of a computer which forces me to remove my gloves so that I can type and thus leaves my fingers, those poor little extremeties that are so far from the source of warm blood, exposed to the cold. The house which hosts the church office was poorly designed in that the vents for the central heat and air are all on the floor. Not in the ceiling, not on the top of the wall, but down at the base of the wall next to the floor where they become covered by various pieces of furniture and rendered useless as their air flow is blocked by wood and plastic. So my office is left uncirculated when I close the door at the end of the day, which results in it being cold in the morning when I return.

And the rain isn't good rain. It's drizzly, tiny drops which lightly sprinkle you with bits of chill to add to the cold. It's not accompanied by great thunder and lightning and it doesn't awe you at the sheer amounts of water coming down from the sky. Instead it nags at you and forces you inside to be cooped up wishing you could enjoy the brisk breezes also going on outside. The source of the rain is a blanket of grey that hides away the beauty of the sun and the sky. It makes you feel drowsy and lathargic.

It makes me understand through a metaphor how my life can be a gross and rainy day if I begin to allow even small things to cloud the source of light which gives me life and energy and purpose. The storms of life with come and with them brutal thunder and lightning. Quick and swift damage can occur but what always happens is that the storm dissipates or moves on through and the Son is once again revealed. In contrast to the storms these hazes which cover the sky seem to be even more draining. They take away our sight to see "Christ who strengthens me" for so long that we become used to the dreary view and begin to accept it as normal. We forget the joy of a sunny day, with clear blue skies and life giving warmth. I don't want to forget about the Son. I don't want to get used to grey skies and rainy days.

I'll endure the storms because I know that "a bright sunny day comes after the rain. You going through thunder, get ready for change. The mountains you're climbing will go away, cause it's all gonna clear up after the rain" (After the Rain by K2S). However, I refuse to let my life get slowly filled by drizzles and a blanket of grey which may steal my vision of God. This I think is the real reason so many people live luke-warm lives not truly filled with the fruit of the Spirit. Satan has acheived a slow and gradual fade of the vision which we all saw when we first encountered the power of God in our lives.

I know a lot of rainday survivors
I have met a lot of sunday drivers
I get destracted by the body dividers
Let's unite all the dead church revivers
Don't forget the spiritual reminders
And don't follow the traditional rewinders
Look for the Yahweh insiders
And forget all that man's religion requires
Let's be whatever He desires
Let's be the cleansing, fueling fires
No more back stabbing biters
No more first impression hires
I want stories of the martyrs
I need love that knows no borders
Where is God?! Give Him back you horders!
I need help with the weight on my shoulders
Is there hope as we get older?
Where is relief in todays stuffed folders?
I need peace like when Jesus told her
"Where are all of your condemners?"
For I know that we are all sinners
So why can't we just be winners?
Instead I see quiters
And hatred shared over dinners
We get hurt by the constant dividers
But we need to be dead church revivers
Then we can all be rainday survivors.